Is blogging still a thing?

Hello blogging world! Remember us? The Gordons? Anyway, life has sure been good to us. Josh FINALLY graduated from nursing school and is working at a hospital as an RN. He's amazing, I know. We had our third and hopefully last baby. We planned for one kid and got two bonus kids, birth control does not work for us (more on that later). She's amazing and beautiful and a miracle and just all around perfection in a little baby form. Are you in love yet? My two older chillens start school next week! Can you believe it? It will just be me and Miss Mae all by our lonesomes. I have definitely shed a few tears, had a few anxiety attacks about letting my children go into the world. Don't remind me I only have so many days until they aren't under my all seeing eye. Anyway, we're alive and doing fine!

Different, not less

Last year was a pretty bumpy year. Josh was basically living and breathing school and work and I was taking care of everything at home and going to school on top of all of it. Last year, came the answer that we as a family had been waiting for. Gavin had been tested by doctor after doctor and we finally got the answer we knew all along. Gavin has Autism. I wasn't really surprised, I just knew that whatever Autism was I needed to learn about it. I started taking a Early Childhood Development class at MCC and had the most amazing learning experience. I was amongst parents and future teachers who either wanted to teach special education or had children, like me, and wanted to learn more about their kids diagnoses. I think every class I cried because of how accepted I felt. These people were what I needed, I belonged in that classroom and I loved every minute. The first thing I learned was simple, that children were not their diagnoses. They were kids first and the diagnosis is just what they had. That struck me because over the year I had been told by the state and doctors that my son needed a label and I was so overwhelmed that my son would only be known as his label. I felt like my sweet boy was from this day on a label and no one would know who he was. He would be just another statistic another kid passing through the system. My heart was left in pieces because I felt helpless to do anything for my son. I cried and cried for days, in the shower so Josh wouldn't hear me, in my bedroom after the kids went to bed and sometimes in my car. I was a wreck. It wasn't until that very first day of class when I heard my teacher say over and over that these amazing kids were kids not their diagnosis. It was a sense of relief and after that first day of class I sat in the parking lot and cried because my son wasn't Autistic, he had Autism, he was Gavin, my sweet and wonderful little boy. That was the day I accepted his diagnosis. I accepted that there was no cure for it and him having Autism didn't make a difference to me. He's my son and I love him. The semester went on and I literally could feel my brain soak up every word that was taught. I had the opportunity to be in a classroom with children who had Autism and they are literally amazing kids. I had hope that my son would be able to talk and I could communicate with him. I had hope that he would be able to go to school and make friends. All of these kids were so different and so loving and so amazingly talented. I felt so good being there and observing and playing and teaching them. It was so fulfilling that my son although different, wasn't any less. My daughter has been amazingly patient and I often wondered why she has this larger than life personality in this little body and now I know its because she was sent to me. She may only be 3 but she has been an amazing example of patience and compassion. There are days when Gavin isn't having such a great day because I'm not able to understand him or vice versa and Devan will always tell me "Mom, he's fine" or "Mom its ok." Little things like that remind me that I do need to be patient and some days are a lot harder than others. These kids are such a blessing and I can't imagine my life without them. I talked to my teacher a lot after and before class about my son and she gave me her only poem and I've treasured it ever since. Please read it and understand what its like for a parent who has a child with a disability. WELCOME TO HOLLAND by Emily Perl Kingsley I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this...... When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting. After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland." "Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy." But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay. The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place. So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met. It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts. But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned." And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss. But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

The Ugly Cry

Lately, I've been doing a lot of this:

You ladies know what I'm talking about. You know, the cry that makes you look super irresistible to your hubs coupled with the same spastic breathing your toddler makes when they're throwing a fit. After a good long cry I do this:

There's been a lot going on. Don't worry, Josh and I are fine. He's seriously Superman. I love him because he is so patient with my super sexiness and even sexier emotional eating. Over the past year we've noticed our sweet boy hasn't been reaching his developmental milestones, so he will need to have therapy for the things he's delayed in. Maybe its not a big deal, but any mom (unless their monsters) wants their children to succeed and to have a happy life. Josh has been our hero and I'm really so thankful for him when I feel like I'm losing it. I will keep you updated but for now let me tell you a funny story. Yesterday, I was at Sam's Club with both my kids. Gavin is in the cart and Devan hates being imprisoned so she's a little ways ahead of our cart. I'm talking like 2 feet away. My sister calls me and I'm talking to her while keeping an eye on Dora the Explorer (Devan). I'm already a ticking time bomb because of what's going (read above) and this lady yells at me..no exaggeration yells at me "You should pay more attention to that little girl and less to your phone!" Ok, one thing you should know about me, I may look like a hefty, mean, Mexican girl, but I'm a total weenie when it comes to confrontation. I will cry on the spot. I have no idea what it was, but I tell this lady in the inner ghetto I knew I always had "You need to mind your business!" I felt bad at first but I got over it really quick. Maybe I handled it wrong, but it felt really good to tell someone just how I felt. I decided I'm going to be mean more often. Just kidding, but seriously, I realized with everything we have going on I need to be more assertive. I've always been really nice and passive, but I found something about myself and I liked it. Sue me.

Ringing in 2012

Are these not the cutest kids you have ever seen?

Well its a new year! I think we as a family have been waiting for this year. The end of this year Josh will finally be done with nursing school. Our celebration is short will be for a little bit, because we start the really hard stuff. We start looking at graduate schools for CRNA school, which will mostly be east coast. Have any of you been east coast? I lived in North Carolina for 3 months and I was so confused, even though we're in the same country its a total culture shock! The humidity, the people, and most of all their super gross bugs. My sister called the cockroaches water beetles. If those are water beetles, they are the biggest beetles I have ever seen! Anyway, we will follow my husband wherever he goes.
This year is a big year for me too, I am back to school! I have been bouncing back and forth between teaching and nursing and after much debate and deep thought I decided I needed to finish my nursing. Call me crazy but I believe that I can juggle home life and school life. I'm fortunate enough that I get to stay at home with my awesome kiddos and I'm so glad that we have modern technology that allows me to do some courses online.
Devan and Gavin are HUGE! Can you believe they are 1 and 2? Where did my babies go? Devan is a sassy chatterbox! She is definitely the perfect mixture of spicy and sweet! Gav Bear is a momma's boy through and through. He's not talking yet or walking but we're getting there. He has endless expressions that keep us laughing. Seriously though I must have had my eyes closed too long. I'm getting that itch! I see prego bellies and sweet smelling babies. Devan falls in love with every baby that she sees always wanting to touch them and kiss them and tell them how cute they are. I keep telling myself that my reward will be when Josh is finished with graduate school (in like 5 years) I will be able to have another one. I'm going to be honest I think we're done after 3. I love and admire all those women that have 3 or more children you are my heroes! It truly takes some special woman to be able to do that! Anyway, cheers to 2012! May you all be safe and scratch off all your goals this year!

Thank you

I am thankful for my two super awesome and might add adorable kiddos, a kick butt and super hot husband, my faith, and an awesome family. Did you know Thanksgiving Day Mr.Gordon and I will have been married for 4 years!! Can you believe it? Me either! Time flies!

Life is oh so good

I'm so blessed that I have had the opportunity to stay home and watch my children grow. I love them infinity times infinity. I can't believe how much they have grown. Stephanie Nielsen nailed it on the head...life really is 'oh so good.'

1 & 2

We survived. My kids have made it to 1 and 2. I really just can't believe how time flies. I thought I was crazy when I found out I was having two almost a year apart and now I know I'm crazy for always having to have their parties together. For Devan and Gavin's birthdays we had it at Chuck E Cheese. It was fun! Normally I'm not a birthday person, I'm usually the party pooper. I was able to reunite with my long lost bosom friend Cajsa, whom I love dearly, her husband, and her sweet girls, and other long lost friends I thought I lost after I got married. Kids ran around and screamed as loud as they wanted to and the grown ups were able to enjoy a conversation. We had so many tokens that the kids were always busy. We partied hard and by the end of the night we were all pretty pooped. Its crazy that my kids are so big. It makes me a little anxious and nervous for the future. I will post pictures soon. Next blog will probably be my woes on starting potty training, apparently its supposed to be the most grueling and gruesome 3 days of my life. Thank you to all you moms that gave me much needed courage, advice, and support as I venture in the world of potty training and figuring out a two year old.